Category Archives: health

I’m lost

Somewhere, somehow, I lost myself. Between school, work, being a mom, a wife, graduating, all the moves and trying to “fit in,” I’ve lost who I am and who I want to be.

I went into a type of autopilot.  I stopped thinking and caring so much about things which were once important to me.  Stopped trying so hard.

When Gordon an I first were married, I was still in school. We became pregnant fairly quick. I made bread every few weeks, granola bars and fruit leathers were always being rotated through my homemade projects.  I staved to find ways to eat healthily and on a very tight budget.  We had more variety to our meals and we even planned them out.

Family Picture-10/21/09

Family Picture-10/21/09

I graduated eight months pregnant with our second, Tiny.  After Tiny was born, I was doing some at home preschool with Princess. Fruit leathers, granola bars, and bread became occasional projects.  I joined a preschool co-op with two other mothers and we loved it!  We want for walks, play groups, planted gardens, played outside and ran through sprinklers.

Princess' first day of Preschool Co-op

Princess’ first day of Preschool Co-op

Before I gave birth to B, out third child, we had so much happen, everything stopped.  Gordon’s job was in jeopardy when the company he was working for was purchased.  People were being laid off and jobs were being outsourced to India.  There were a few times, by the grace of Heavenly Father, he was put on a list to be let go and he kept his job.

Our lease was ending, we were uncertain how long his job would last, so we moved in with family.  Two little girls, Gordon and I (pregnant), all lived in a little room for a few months.  I was done.  Other than making diner (and the very occasional treat) I wasn’t doing much.  Walks stopped, play groups seemed hard to attend, preschool co-op stopped.

Gordon stated with a new company and within the first month, we found a new place to live.  We moved closer to his work to avoid the hour plus commute.  B was born and it seemed like I failed at everything I tried.  I could barely make it through the day without loosing it.  Struggling with postpartum depression and being a mom of three seemed much harder than I felt it should be.

My cute three kids-6/21/13

My cute three kids-6/21/13

I posted pictures like this (see below) so I would be able to look back one day and laugh.

Tiny stuck in the toy bins.

Tiny stuck in the toy bins.

Now we still have days I loose it, days which end in tears foe everyone, but we also have great days, days we play at the park, days we play with bubbles, days we make sunflower seed butter, days we visit grandparents and days we just spend at home playing.

There are changes ahead I am excited to share, when the time is right.  For now, we have decided to find ourselves again.  Homemade bread, granola bars and fruit leathers will be homemade and fresh instead of store bought.  We will be starting homeschooling and playing more.  We will be reading, coloring, exploring and splashing in puddles.

IMG_4407

Princess’s first real jump!

IMG_4412

Sibling puddle time

Stay tuned as I try to share our journey a little more often. 

The Blue Cookie TMI

Thursday’s grocery trip was like most others: all three kids wanting to roam the store at their will. My fix for this has always been to let them have a cookie from the bakery counter (or go in the middle if the night by myself).

I will think twice next time.

We’ve never had a problem with a free cookie. It has saved so much frustration trying to shop, after all, that is why they have them. Right?

This cookie was a round sugar cookie, mostly blue with red and white star inside each other. It looked cute and all three kids were excited when I handed one to them.

Never in my wildest imagination would I guess there would be repercussion. Before the day was over, B was not eating much and fussy. Tiny was picky, which is not like her.

By the next day they both had bright blue diarrhea that eventually turned green. Poor B’s bum is bright red. I have been putting DoTerra’a Digestzen on his tummy with every diaper change. It has been gradually getting better.

Thanks to the blue cookie that caused more trouble than it was worth.

Boundaries and Borders

I have always had a hard time with saying “no.” Several times as a young single adult, I would drive to Oklahoma just to return phone calls and say:

I’m sorry, but I’m out of state right now and unable to help.

I would drive about an hour north on I35 to Thackerville, Oklahoma. It is just over the boarder. There is a little playground there, I would play and return my hard phone calls.

Last night in counseling we discussed boundaries. We all need to have them set. We shouldn’t feel guilty about setting them and keeping them firm. We are taking care if ourselves with them.

Karen showed me one of the following videos and asked me to look up the second one. I wanted to share them in the hope it would help you as well.

Stuck

As a mom have you ever been stuck?  Not a tough decision or moral dilemma, but really, truly stuck?  An “I can’t move” stuck?

:sat night I found myself stuck.

As I nursed my baby to sleep, my two year-old woke up coughing and crawled onto my legs.  A short while later I found my self holding two sleeping children.

Sleeping Children

What do I do?  How long should I sit here holding them?  Will one of them wake up?  How long until Gordon’s meeting is over? The questions seamed to circle in my mind for an hour.

 

Before I new it, there was trouble.  Pain and tingling stretched up from my feet to encompass my legs.  My legs were falling asleep!

Now the questions were more urgent.  When will Gordon be here? How can I stand up?  Should I wake up Tiny? How hard will it be to put one of them back to sleep so I can move?

I kept moving my legs as much as I could with a two-year-old stretched along them.  I tried waking up Tiny so she could crawl into bed.  Looking at the ground I new I couldn’t reach to lay B there while I moved Tiny.

I started to panic. What will I do?  I just had to try something!

Leaning over I could barely reach one of Tiny’s blankets from her bed.  I pulled!  Both blankets fell to the carpet in a small pile.  I could do this!

I carefully repositioned B so I could lay him on the mound of blankets and slowly leaned over the side of the chair with him.  I couldn’t reach!

I dropped him!

He laid their motionless, sleeping on the soft warm blankets.

Sleeping BabyThank you!

Now it was easy.  I pulled Tiny up from my legs so I could stand and placed her gently on her bed.  Picked B up from his soft bed and laid him in the crib.  Then I covered them both with blankets, left their room and walked in circles around my living room to gain full feeling back into my legs.

 

Sarah Kathryn

Have you ever been stuck?