Category Archives: mommy problems

We Believe Wednesday-The Sweet Struggle

I’ve really struggled with what to say today. Hence why it is really Thursday and I’m writing my Wednesday post.

Today has been a hard. One where I wanted to shut everyone and everything out, right from the start. With teaching, we are all still trying to adjust to the new schedule. My three little ones get woken up around six o’clock in the morning, needless to say we are all overtired.

I have this little part of my brain (okay, big part) that wants everything to be perfect. Yes, I know it’s not happening soon. I want the house to be clean, no clutter, happy kids who never fight and take naps… I want to be a good wife, good mom, good daughter, food granddaughter, Continue reading

We Believe Wednesday-Sacrament

Jesus Christ sat with His apostles the evening before the atonement.  Christ knew it was time for Him to atone and die for us.  In Luke 22, we read about the first sacrament and Christ said, “this is my body which is given for you: this do in remembrance of me. . . . this cup is the new testament in my blood, which is shed for you.”

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we feel sacrament is an important part of our spiritual growth and worship, as we remember and renew the covenants we make with Heavenly Father when we are baptized.  As we partake of the bread and water, we remember the atoning sacrifice Jesus Christ made for us.  We take the time, while the sacrament is being passed, to reflect on the ministry, life and Atonement of Christ, the Son of God.

The bread being broken is a symbolic reminder of His body on the cross and His physical sufferings.  It is also symbolic to ancient times when as part of the covenant, they would cut (break) an animal into pieces as a sacrifice and say “Let what happened to this sacrifice, happen to us, if we break our covenant.”

The water is symbolic of the blood of our Savior shed in extreme spiritual suffering and grief, commencing in the Garden of Gethsemane and concluding on the cross.  In Matthew 26:38 Christ said, “My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death.”  In the Book of Mormon, Mosiah 3:7 we read and understand, “Blood [came] from every pore, so great [was] his anguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people.”

Jesus Christ suffered for the sins, sorrows, and pains of all people.  He is the only one who truly understands us, emotionally and spiritually.  When we get that call, your grandma has suffered a stroke and is on the way to the hospital, He truly felt the pain, regrets and overwhelming fears.  When we sin, because we all will, He felt the sorrow, fear, and humility.  What greater gift could our Father give us than a big brother who truly knows us?

As a mother, I want to teach my children of this great gift.  When my oldest, Princess, was around 12-months, I was contemplating how to teach my children about Jesus Christ and the sacrament.  Almost intuitively, as I handed her the bread, I whispered, “this helps us remember Jesus made it so we can live with Heavenly Father again.”  Then with the water I whispered, “this helps us remember we can say sorry and repent for our sis.”  As simple as these words were, they truly help us focus on the atonement, crucifixion and resurrection of Christ. Princess is now almost five, and I have Tiny, three; and B, one.  They each are told these same words each time we partake of the sacrament.

I’m lost

Somewhere, somehow, I lost myself. Between school, work, being a mom, a wife, graduating, all the moves and trying to “fit in,” I’ve lost who I am and who I want to be.

I went into a type of autopilot.  I stopped thinking and caring so much about things which were once important to me.  Stopped trying so hard.

When Gordon an I first were married, I was still in school. We became pregnant fairly quick. I made bread every few weeks, granola bars and fruit leathers were always being rotated through my homemade projects.  I staved to find ways to eat healthily and on a very tight budget.  We had more variety to our meals and we even planned them out.

Family Picture-10/21/09

Family Picture-10/21/09

I graduated eight months pregnant with our second, Tiny.  After Tiny was born, I was doing some at home preschool with Princess. Fruit leathers, granola bars, and bread became occasional projects.  I joined a preschool co-op with two other mothers and we loved it!  We want for walks, play groups, planted gardens, played outside and ran through sprinklers.

Princess' first day of Preschool Co-op

Princess’ first day of Preschool Co-op

Before I gave birth to B, out third child, we had so much happen, everything stopped.  Gordon’s job was in jeopardy when the company he was working for was purchased.  People were being laid off and jobs were being outsourced to India.  There were a few times, by the grace of Heavenly Father, he was put on a list to be let go and he kept his job.

Our lease was ending, we were uncertain how long his job would last, so we moved in with family.  Two little girls, Gordon and I (pregnant), all lived in a little room for a few months.  I was done.  Other than making diner (and the very occasional treat) I wasn’t doing much.  Walks stopped, play groups seemed hard to attend, preschool co-op stopped.

Gordon stated with a new company and within the first month, we found a new place to live.  We moved closer to his work to avoid the hour plus commute.  B was born and it seemed like I failed at everything I tried.  I could barely make it through the day without loosing it.  Struggling with postpartum depression and being a mom of three seemed much harder than I felt it should be.

My cute three kids-6/21/13

My cute three kids-6/21/13

I posted pictures like this (see below) so I would be able to look back one day and laugh.

Tiny stuck in the toy bins.

Tiny stuck in the toy bins.

Now we still have days I loose it, days which end in tears foe everyone, but we also have great days, days we play at the park, days we play with bubbles, days we make sunflower seed butter, days we visit grandparents and days we just spend at home playing.

There are changes ahead I am excited to share, when the time is right.  For now, we have decided to find ourselves again.  Homemade bread, granola bars and fruit leathers will be homemade and fresh instead of store bought.  We will be starting homeschooling and playing more.  We will be reading, coloring, exploring and splashing in puddles.

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Princess’s first real jump!

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Sibling puddle time

Stay tuned as I try to share our journey a little more often. 

Boundaries and Borders

I have always had a hard time with saying “no.” Several times as a young single adult, I would drive to Oklahoma just to return phone calls and say:

I’m sorry, but I’m out of state right now and unable to help.

I would drive about an hour north on I35 to Thackerville, Oklahoma. It is just over the boarder. There is a little playground there, I would play and return my hard phone calls.

Last night in counseling we discussed boundaries. We all need to have them set. We shouldn’t feel guilty about setting them and keeping them firm. We are taking care if ourselves with them.

Karen showed me one of the following videos and asked me to look up the second one. I wanted to share them in the hope it would help you as well.

Pay Attention

We are blessed to have missionaries in our home at lease once a week. As we struggle to have our small children to to sit and listen we were loosing our patience. In those moment of pure desperation came such a simple answer.

Princess, did you know they are going to talk about Jesus?
Oh I love my big brother!
Can you listen really carefully as the missionaries talk and raise your hand when they say ‘Jesus?’

And so it began. An answer to a silent prayer. Now when the missionaries give their spiritual thoughts they listen to hear “Jesus” and their hand shoots up into the air with excitement.

We have expanded this into our scripture study. As we read from the Book of Mormon, our girls raise their hands for: Jesus; Father; Lord; God; Heavenly Father and angel. Gordon will even join in on the action and raise his hand or if he is holding B, he will help raise B’s hand.

On occasions they pay enough attention in sacrament meeting and you will see little girls’ hands shoot up into the air as they whip their head around and say;

“Mommy he just said Jesus!”

You are welcome, for the added distraction in church. 

A little Background

I have struggled with self-esteem and a quick temper for as long as I can remember.

Having three little ones four and under have only increased my awareness of these problems.  It has also increased my desire to resolve them.  I do not want my girls growing up thinking they aren’t beautiful, smart, funny, and talented in the one-million ways I see them now.  I want my son to understand how to love and respect women because I love and respect myself.

After B was born in June 2013, I had an incredibly hard time controlling my temper, getting sleep, eating right and well, pretty mud everything. I constantly felt overwhelmed.  In November 2013, I started seeing a councilor again.  Yes, again. It had approximately five years since I had seen one.  I never really resolved anything with those sessions, I just ended up too overwhelmed with getting married and school.  I was newly married, in school, and then pregnant, so I stopped.  A few weeks ago I found out I struggle with postpartum depression.

I love my councilor!  She has been wonderful, hard, honest, loving, and most important-loving.  I have decided to put some of my homework on the blog.  This is to both help it sink-in and get me back into blogging.  I have not picked back up after I loosing everything.

Feel free to ask questions, make comments here, or completely ignore me.  

Stuck

As a mom have you ever been stuck?  Not a tough decision or moral dilemma, but really, truly stuck?  An “I can’t move” stuck?

:sat night I found myself stuck.

As I nursed my baby to sleep, my two year-old woke up coughing and crawled onto my legs.  A short while later I found my self holding two sleeping children.

Sleeping Children

What do I do?  How long should I sit here holding them?  Will one of them wake up?  How long until Gordon’s meeting is over? The questions seamed to circle in my mind for an hour.

 

Before I new it, there was trouble.  Pain and tingling stretched up from my feet to encompass my legs.  My legs were falling asleep!

Now the questions were more urgent.  When will Gordon be here? How can I stand up?  Should I wake up Tiny? How hard will it be to put one of them back to sleep so I can move?

I kept moving my legs as much as I could with a two-year-old stretched along them.  I tried waking up Tiny so she could crawl into bed.  Looking at the ground I new I couldn’t reach to lay B there while I moved Tiny.

I started to panic. What will I do?  I just had to try something!

Leaning over I could barely reach one of Tiny’s blankets from her bed.  I pulled!  Both blankets fell to the carpet in a small pile.  I could do this!

I carefully repositioned B so I could lay him on the mound of blankets and slowly leaned over the side of the chair with him.  I couldn’t reach!

I dropped him!

He laid their motionless, sleeping on the soft warm blankets.

Sleeping BabyThank you!

Now it was easy.  I pulled Tiny up from my legs so I could stand and placed her gently on her bed.  Picked B up from his soft bed and laid him in the crib.  Then I covered them both with blankets, left their room and walked in circles around my living room to gain full feeling back into my legs.

 

Sarah Kathryn

Have you ever been stuck?