Falling Apart

For well over a year I have had pressure in my chest. I generally ten to ignore things so, of course I’d would just ignore it. Then two weeks ago I had sharp stabbing pain that lasted about 30-seconds.

Naturally I called my mom, who naturally freaked out a little due to our family history of heart disease.

I declined to go to the ER but agreed to find a cardiologist and be seen. So, I went in for a check-up and they scheduled an echo. Everything was great.

It has been determined, I have been having anxiety attaches.

Anxiety attaches?

I actually had to look it up. I didn’t understand why I would ever have anxiety. Hahahaha. Luckily a friend was not at all surprised about my anxiety and even helped me understand it all.

Next. I have been running again. Really, I have never finished an eight week session. I’m determined. Then I started noticing my limited movement in one of my hips.

The same hip, I have jammed with my tailbone before as a teen.

After having it checked out (by my amazing sister), it is definitely out of place. It is now time to figure out what to do in order to help loosen and readjust my hip, again.

 

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Boundaries and Borders

I have always had a hard time with saying “no.” Several times as a young single adult, I would drive to Oklahoma just to return phone calls and say:

I’m sorry, but I’m out of state right now and unable to help.

I would drive about an hour north on I35 to Thackerville, Oklahoma. It is just over the boarder. There is a little playground there, I would play and return my hard phone calls.

Last night in counseling we discussed boundaries. We all need to have them set. We shouldn’t feel guilty about setting them and keeping them firm. We are taking care if ourselves with them.

Karen showed me one of the following videos and asked me to look up the second one. I wanted to share them in the hope it would help you as well.

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Pay Attention

We are blessed to have missionaries in our home at lease once a week. As we struggle to have our small children to to sit and listen we were loosing our patience. In those moment of pure desperation came such a simple answer.

Princess, did you know they are going to talk about Jesus?
Oh I love my big brother!
Can you listen really carefully as the missionaries talk and raise your hand when they say ‘Jesus?’

And so it began. An answer to a silent prayer. Now when the missionaries give their spiritual thoughts they listen to hear “Jesus” and their hand shoots up into the air with excitement.

We have expanded this into our scripture study. As we read from the Book of Mormon, our girls raise their hands for: Jesus; Father; Lord; God; Heavenly Father and angel. Gordon will even join in on the action and raise his hand or if he is holding B, he will help raise B’s hand.

On occasions they pay enough attention in sacrament meeting and you will see little girls’ hands shoot up into the air as they whip their head around and say;

“Mommy he just said Jesus!”

You are welcome, for the added distraction in church. 

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Prayer

As a parent, one of the sweetest moments is when your child does something on their own, that you have them.  Tiny has bee saying prayer so well lately.  Often she says one randomly during the day as well.  I also have one of Princess, who look so grown up.

She is so cute she she kneels that I just can’t help but to be irreverent and quickly snap a picture. Shhhhh!  Don’t tell my children.

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Sweet prayers to Heavenly Father.

 

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Saying Goodbye

We, as people, say goodbye. We use it so often, yet there are so many reasons. It is hard teaching children “goodbye.”

In Princess’ short four-and-a-half years she has said goodbye to three dogs that have passed away, several friends that have moved, family as they come and go from visits and countless missionaries.

Several months ago we said goodbye to Hermana Vigil. She served 18 months, teaching others of Jesus Christ. As much as we have missed her, I know her family is happy to have her back home.

Princess wearing Hermana Vigil's name tag.

Princess wearing Hermana Vigil’s name tag.

Four weeks ago we said goodbye to Hermana Bass. Our girls are having a hard time understanding why this sweet women in their lives have left.

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Hermana Bass reading to all three kiddos.

Many mornings I am asked:

“mommy, when is Hermana Bass coming back to visit us?”

I do not have the words to express my great appreciation for all the individuals who choose to serve missions. You dedicate your life between 18 months to two years, teaching others of Jesus Christ. You leave your family, friends, and often significant others.

You are an example to myself and more importantly, my children.

Each move you make is being watch by little eyes. They watch your strength. They watch you teach. They watch you preach of Christ. They watch you serve. They watch you love.

With all my heart, thank you!

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Pros and Cons

For homework last week I was asked to list five pros and five cons about myself.  This may not sound to hard, but it was incredibly difficult! I struggled all week and found myself still working on it yesterday, all day, before my session.  I felt like writing a con about myself on paper only solidified and enhanced the negative quality.  The last think I wanted to do!

The pros were a little easy until I wrote three down.  I could not think of more, and honestly, I felt like I was being prideful when I wrote those three.

How could I come up with more when we are encouraged not to be prideful? 

Lets first look at the definition of prideful:

a. disdainful, haughty; b. exultant, elated

In aknowledging possitive qualities in yourself, you are not raising yourself above others or judging them.  You are simply noticing some of the gifts Heavenly Father gave you.

My pros and cons:

  1. I am easily agitated
  2. I’m shy
  3. I don’t feel pretty
  4. I’m overweight
  5. I cannot run
  1. I like to make people happy
  2. I can cook, and am pretty good
  3. I have pretty eyes
  4. I have empathy for others

Have you ever made a list?  Was it hard for you? 

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A little Background

I have struggled with self-esteem and a quick temper for as long as I can remember.

Having three little ones four and under have only increased my awareness of these problems.  It has also increased my desire to resolve them.  I do not want my girls growing up thinking they aren’t beautiful, smart, funny, and talented in the one-million ways I see them now.  I want my son to understand how to love and respect women because I love and respect myself.

After B was born in June 2013, I had an incredibly hard time controlling my temper, getting sleep, eating right and well, pretty mud everything. I constantly felt overwhelmed.  In November 2013, I started seeing a councilor again.  Yes, again. It had approximately five years since I had seen one.  I never really resolved anything with those sessions, I just ended up too overwhelmed with getting married and school.  I was newly married, in school, and then pregnant, so I stopped.  A few weeks ago I found out I struggle with postpartum depression.

I love my councilor!  She has been wonderful, hard, honest, loving, and most important-loving.  I have decided to put some of my homework on the blog.  This is to both help it sink-in and get me back into blogging.  I have not picked back up after I loosing everything.

Feel free to ask questions, make comments here, or completely ignore me.  

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Stuck

As a mom have you ever been stuck?  Not a tough decision or moral dilemma, but really, truly stuck?  An “I can’t move” stuck?

:sat night I found myself stuck.

As I nursed my baby to sleep, my two year-old woke up coughing and crawled onto my legs.  A short while later I found my self holding two sleeping children.

Sleeping Children

What do I do?  How long should I sit here holding them?  Will one of them wake up?  How long until Gordon’s meeting is over? The questions seamed to circle in my mind for an hour.

 

Before I new it, there was trouble.  Pain and tingling stretched up from my feet to encompass my legs.  My legs were falling asleep!

Now the questions were more urgent.  When will Gordon be here? How can I stand up?  Should I wake up Tiny? How hard will it be to put one of them back to sleep so I can move?

I kept moving my legs as much as I could with a two-year-old stretched along them.  I tried waking up Tiny so she could crawl into bed.  Looking at the ground I new I couldn’t reach to lay B there while I moved Tiny.

I started to panic. What will I do?  I just had to try something!

Leaning over I could barely reach one of Tiny’s blankets from her bed.  I pulled!  Both blankets fell to the carpet in a small pile.  I could do this!

I carefully repositioned B so I could lay him on the mound of blankets and slowly leaned over the side of the chair with him.  I couldn’t reach!

I dropped him!

He laid their motionless, sleeping on the soft warm blankets.

Sleeping BabyThank you!

Now it was easy.  I pulled Tiny up from my legs so I could stand and placed her gently on her bed.  Picked B up from his soft bed and laid him in the crib.  Then I covered them both with blankets, left their room and walked in circles around my living room to gain full feeling back into my legs.

 

Sarah Kathryn

Have you ever been stuck? 

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