I’ve really struggled with what to say today. Hence why it is really Thursday and I’m writing my Wednesday post.
Today has been a hard. One where I wanted to shut everyone and everything out, right from the start. With teaching, we are all still trying to adjust to the new schedule. My three little ones get woken up around six o’clock in the morning, needless to say we are all overtired.
I have this little part of my brain (okay, big part) that wants everything to be perfect. Yes, I know it’s not happening soon. I want the house to be clean, no clutter, happy kids who never fight and take naps… I want to be a good wife, good mom, good daughter, food granddaughter,
good friend, good employee, good everything. Really, I can’t be good at everything, all at the same time.
There has to be a balance.
Today, I had no balance. I had no energy. No patience. No endurance. No sleep. No end-in-sight for my to-do list.
Today I felt like I failed.
My house was a mess when my visiting teachers came over. The mountain of clothes that were on my couch were moved to my bed. Anything I could, I shove into my room to have somewhat of a resemblance of a respectable place. Truthfully, I don’t even thing I achieved it. Oh and that mountain of clothing, it I back on my couch with another load piled on top. I will probably have to extract my kids clothes from it tomorrow.
At one point today, just before nap, I lost it. I lost everything. I sat there emotionally crumpled on the floor sobbing.
I was a horrible, horrible mom. I can’t even tell you how many times I lost my temper and then had to apologize to my little ones.
As I sat there sobbing, I thought of how my house was a mess, my kids weren’t behaving or listening, my laundry not done, the dishes to do, a mile long to-do list, and my kids who have the worst mom in the world. I had the sweetest moment that reminded me I’m always loved.
Reminded me of my Savior who new how I felt.
Princess saw me sobbing, quietly walked over, sat in my lap and hugged me. Then, Tiny came to the other side and B joined in the middle.
These three little ones who I had just lost my temper with moments before were comforting me. Just as my Savior would, they loved me disputed my imperfections and failures.
When I was calm, Princess said she had something for me. She ran off to get something in her hand. It was a light pink, paper heart with squiggly lines all over. I had her “read” it to me and I cried again.
(I’ll post video later.)
What a sweet, precious girl.